The weight of silence

                                                artwork title weight of silence by Heather Gudenkauf

Two months ago Shomoye's wife had a miscarriage and if that was all, it would have been not so much of a big deal. The process that happens after a miscarriage isn't so straight forward.  Depending on what trimester it occurred in, it might be quite difficult to evacuate the unborn fetus. So after the fetus was noticed to be inactive and the ultrasound showed no movement or heartbeat, it was removed. A few lines summarized the whole ordeal, but it wasn't a matter of a line, a few lines couldn't comprehend the depths of the emotions his wife experienced.  There was plenty of pain, plenty of tears, and plenty of blood. As a man, he could encourage her, but logic would remind him over and over that all his emotional support was of no consequence, as he was unable to share all of the emotions she felt at that moment.

Two months later he and his wife were booked in for a final procedure because the initial non-evasive evacuation of their unborn child didn't work perfectly, Was it the Nigerian poor healthcare system or was it just pure bad luck? He would never know, but what he knew was it kept the blood tap open.  For two months, his wife was the woman with the issue of blood. The physical evacuation was carried out a few days ago while she was under sedation.

Shomoye's story seems like one plucked from a Nollywood movie, preferably the part one, and like avid Nollywood fans,  we anxiously await part two where the story finally ends with the line “to God be the glory”. We always want to share the final glorious ends, we tend to celebrate and share only good times and testify of what we assume to be God's blessings, but we never share those bad times and experiences that God also lets us go through. Ninety-nine percent of testimonies are always about joy and happiness.

Truth is in sharing our pain and sad experiences.  Some people actually find their own strength to pull through their own situations. Even though our cultures and traditions don't teach us to do this, it is paramount as humans to share our stories.

With the current waves and stories on rape and assault, one underlying theme is the culture of silence.  It's been interesting to note how a lot of people expect the victims to remain silent and not share their experiences under the guise that it is shameful. One person, in particular, told me it will bring shame to the family of the lady who was slapped by a senator and that she should not have reported the matter to the police. I was literally confused and lost for words on how to respond to this comment.

Even though we may not go about with banners over our heads sharing our wretched stories, we must find support groups to share and also find people we can share our stories with. There will always be those who will need to hear our stories so they can pull through their own sad experiences.

There is no wealth like knowledge and no poverty like ignorance.

- Buddha

The founder of Buddhism (400-500 BC)